Thoughts Before Suicide

I missed my heart by less than an inch.
I made my parents and the nurses flinch.
Could it be so wrong to want to die?
Instead I'm living the biggest of lies.

The wounds are still fresh and red.
I pray tonight that I'll be dead,
That God won't stop me from my wish.
That I'll feel the razors deepest kiss.

With all these thoughts inside my mind,
I'm losing all track of time.
Everything blurs deep blues and blacks,
Taking me through a movie of my past.

Watching the smiles fade from my face,
As I slowly watch myself fall from grace.
This once so perfect child life,
Was driven to the ugly side of a knife.

Tell me is suicide the ultimate sin?
Will I go to hell for death's win?
Life isn't a battle in which you fight.
You either get it wrong or get it right.

I'm so sick and tired of the lies.
But hypocrisy is in my disguise.
So forgive this suicide if you dare.
The bullet went in despite your care.