On My Way Up I Began To Spiral Once Again...

by ABake   Jan 1, 2008


Here I am again, my life spiraling down to the ground
Stupid heart why couldn't you of listened just this time,
I warned you early on, wasn't the caution tape enough?
What a rhetorical question I knew why before it began...

It was the way your eyes sparkled in the sunlight;
How your voice always gave me those silly butterflies,
Or the way you always understood me in every way-
You never pushed, questioned or tried your luck...

Now it's gone, I attempt to call for the hundredth time;
I hear the sound of your voice I immediately hang up,
I am trying to reach you, but it feels your too far away-
So here I go again in search of the pieces of my heart...

A few here, a few there, I am overcome with fear-
I may never find every piece, some remain with you;
Before you decide to return them, please let me know,
I don't need you destroying all I've built since last time

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Void

    Hey. I actually didn't expect you to be this good. And unfortunately, I hate to admit it, but that judgement was passed because of your age. I hate that I do that, but 95% of the time, I'm right to make such a judgement. This is one fo the times I was not. You are quite talented for your age. The meaning, the words and the structure were all pretty grown up.
    One tiny detail, you may want to change 'overcomes' to 'overcome'. (First line, last stanza).
    Hopefully this doesn't come out sounding too stupid, but as fellow writers and commenters, we're suppose to share our two cents right? So, I was just wondering what exactly you meant by this line:

    What a rhetorical question I knew why before it began...

    I thought maybe it was in reference to the question about 'caution tape' in the third line...but then I get confused when you say 'I knew why before it began'...

    Other than that, I kind of hope you'd change your title. It's not quite the thought intriguing title it could be. It is long enough, and descriptive enough that it seems like something you might say, or end with after all the words. Not start with before all your words... It's a conclusion more than anything.
    I hope that makes sense. Sorry if I come off cold, it is only my opinion and it is your choice as to whether you use it or not.
    Anyway, as I said before, this write was really very good. Impressive even. I hope to see more from you. :)
    Well done.

  • 16 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    A very beautiful poem. it's too amazing
    to be put in just simple words. i can really
    relate to this poem. and the emotion you
    captured was absolutely amazing. the flow
    was simply flawless and youre choice of
    words were all the more great. great write. 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    The title really captured my attention and the poem was just amazing. You really worked the long lines and made it flow flawlessly. I loved the second stanza, it was so real and easy for me to relate with. The imagery was beautiful and the overall mood put a smile on my face. Well done *5/5*

  • 16 years ago

    by Talieka

    This is sad but i like it.. =]

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