This poem has a lot of repetition. I think the reader gets bored when they read the same thing over and over. Try to spice it up a little. Use some imagry.

I also think you should capitalize all the I's and instead of u write you. Be creative! I know you can come up with some good stuff, just think about it a little. Describe what the person looks like, smells like. Describe how you're feeling. Use some metaphores!

I hope this helped! Sorry if I was too harsh!

Keep writing!
Cayce

No thz for telling me i hope to be better one day

Woot! yaay! candy! ...x.x..ahm uhhh sorry bout that..anyhow! great poem! loved it! not literally but still! great poem! keep up great work!

Thz i try hard thz alot for ur coment

Ur a very good writer,
i liked it
:]
5/5
great job
p.s thanx 4 commenting

Thz for the comments

Awww.
You must really love that person huh?

xxx.

Ya so much ^ ^

Tis pretty gewd =P
nice job =)

Try to pay attention to spelleng and grammar, this poem is filled with mistakes, they're easy to avoid and without them your poetry will look a lot better :)

Thz i will it was my first and i try to learn

There's nothing wrong with a little repetition in a poem, but when there is too much the readers attention will wander. When someone is reading your poetry you want them to be completely engrossed from beginning to end.

As others have said ^^ the spelling & punctuation of a poem is big too. Well I know that I would be more strongly drawn to a well structured, neat, well worded poem than to reading a 'txt-message' language, messy poem. (Unless of course it is in context.) Speaking of words I would try to expand your vocabulary, use bigger/more unique type words and this will contribute towards the flow and overall effect of your poetry.

Anyways, I hope that this helps :) But please don't think that I didnt like your poem because I did. But I prefer getting comments from people who correct me or offer suggestions so I can improve my way of writing...So keep it up as the more you write the better you'll get.

Alyssa. x

Thz for ur comment i will try hard

Ook well with this poem i think you missed the "s" in the end of alway a lot. Then umm i think just repeating that was just too much. Like its ok to repeat things but not soo much like that, like if you were to put it in different words or in a different way it would be better. && like i said before mostly this all comes down to re-reading your things before you submit it.

This reminds me of a poem that they would have at the very beginning of a book to start it off. This poem has a very interesting flow and I really like it. Thank you for your comment on my poem. ^^ Keep it up!