Extreme humors

I hate this sickness growing deep inside me
bipolar is what they claim me to be.
I`m in love one minute and torn apart the next
I`m on top of the world then reaching for exits.
I don`t know what to de cide or where to go
I feel I see what`s right but I don`t really know.
I hurt many people all the time
by expressing what stays on my mind.
My words are knives they wound real deep
I have bloodshot eyes, I just can`t sleep.
Why am I stuck in between myself?
Why do I follow this painful hell?
I smile and laugh then sob and cry
I never reach a balance though try.
I wish one day I can reach reality
and see what it`s like to live normally.