I feel so sad, so overcome, so spit out, pushed aside, disrespected, but mostly hurt. I feel like Im talking to a deaf person, doing things for a blind person for my efforts are futile, they have no meaning, no significance and its hard, but I press on. When I get knocked down, I dust myself off and keep going. When it seems like I have gone a mile, I find I havent even went an inch in this persons reasoning. God says Love one another, and bear one anothers burdens I try, but Im not sure it makes a difference, I am not sure if this person wants it. I have shared so much, given away so much of me, I have bared my heart and soul. I now feel empty, useless, and suffocated. I want to cry, but cant. Im numb, so confused, so hurt but still the tears will not fall. Maybe I have cried them all out and my well is dried up. But even in the midst of all the rejection and hurt I will persevere and never give up, for with my God I know all things are possible. We are but flesh, he is divine, I need to trust that what He says is the best and not rely on my emotions and this flesh that gets in the way. I will never stop trying, never stop loving, never stop doing the things that I do to try and get thru! Even if this person never wants to accept any of it from me I will never give up, go away, or tire of trying. Oh Lord, you know how exhausting it is for me at times and how I feel like throwing in the towel, but you softly remind me that I am not perfect, that I struggle, sin and need love and forgiveness to so I must keep going because I love you.
