This Secret. . . that i hide

So everyone is not misguided
Ive come to set the story straight
There has been info Ive subsided
I just hope that you can relate
Not so much as directly, as much as
Understanding why I haven't told
I don't think Ive done this correctly
Thats why this secret I can no longer hold
Ive lived this life for a long time
Most of my life as a matter of fact
And that nobody knew was my sublime
I was worried how they would react
This secret I once kept inside
Now is not so much of a cure
As an excuse to run and hide
From all the ways I'm insecure

I don't feel safe under these constraints
The pressure is becoming too tight
I see the eyes of passing saints
Then a sensation that this just isn't right
Id ignore the voices and I fought the crowd
I left nothing up to chance
'No one will ever find out,' I vowed
And I couldn't be budged from my stance
But then this secret consumed my being
Surfaced in everything I said or did
I couldn't believe what I was seeing
As I let out everything that I had hid
Apparently by keeping this secret
I suppressed the person I've become
I had lost my most powerful asset
Now my fears I must finally overcome

It wasn't that I was afraid of being accepted
As I knew that nobody would care
It was more how my life would be affected
If this secret finally cleared the air
All my life Ive kept it guarded
Praying nobody would ever find out
There were a lot of opportunities Ive discarded
That would give the tiniest bit of doubt
Ive sheltered this secret for way too long
And its time for the truth to be heard
I have to stand up and be strong
As you listen up to this one word

This secret isn't for the world to hear
Only for the select few in my life
And should this secret start to interfere
It will just add a new level of strife
Because this isn't all of who I am
Its only the part that nobody sees
In telling, it feels like the slaughter of the lamb
So try not to judge, if you please
The secret that Ive hid from you
The truth I put effort to deny
The secret that, before this, nobody knew
Is the fact that I am bi

So now you see right through my wall
As I feel the restraints falling down
Thinking back, did you hear my call
When I felt my life hitting the ground
Do I make more sense in your mind
Or do I look the same as ever before
Is your image of me now refined
Or do you even know me anymore
The fear that is rising resides
In the uncertainty of your views
I feel an uneasiness on my insides
As I await to see what you choose

The question that wont go away
Is how will my life change now
Will I continue with the person I portray
Or let the real person in me out somehow
Only time will tell the outcome
As I go on living without this secret to hide
You now know where I am from
Because in you, I chose to confide

January 5, 2008