I love You(not him)

I'm sitting here thinking
I'm not being fair
Now I'm wondering
If you even still care
And though I'm with him
I'm in love with you
And when i kiss him
I sometimes wish he was you
I know it's not right
I know it's not fair
But it's still you i see in my dreams at night
This guilt i hold inside i just can't bear
You're all that i want
No! You're all that i need
You're in all my thoughts
You're all i see
And i can't let him know
That I'd rather be with you
Because that pain i know
I've been through it too
So for now i just pretend like nothings wrong
Like everythings okay
I'll just play along
Until that one day
When he'll have to learn the truth
I'll have to let him know
That instead of him, i love you
And i shall have to let him go
But until that day
I can't say a word
I can't yet to him say
That not him, but you are my world

[ughhhhhhh horrible terrible awful person]