"Goodbye my fallen dreams.
Hello my choking heart."
^^ Comma after " dreams, "
You did use the word heart quite a bit, but I don't really think it would bother anyone but me, lol. I like repition, but only of a full line or more. So yeah, it's probably just me.
" You pricked me once, little by little.
And my blood began to run.
And I was only an empty shell,
By the time that it was done.
You smeared my feelings across your wall
And stared at it point-blank.
I never got those feelings back,
And for that, I have you to thank."
^^ Amazing stanzas, darling.
I would pick one as my favorite, but I love them both. xD