For the past couple months, I've been running from the one thing that knows me best. The only thing I can tell all my secrets too, say anything about anything too, & express in one way, I can't with anyone else. It's the only thing that hasn't turned its back on me, & make me want to die. It's my only way out, my door to happiness & no pain I guess you could say. When my life, gets to hard to bare, it's the only thing I turn too, in the cold dark air. Sometimes, I feel relief, other times I feel regret. With every tear, a new drop begins. As it falls to the ground, I feel my secrets & lies, being spread. As I go a little deeper, the pain, is no longer there. When I clear my eyes, & get stronger with every burn of every cut, I become numb, more than I was with the first one.
Pain isn't a problem nor is it a chore for me, like it is most people. I have one true best friend, one that doesn't push me into things, one I never fight with, can say anything & tell anything too. The only one that is truly ever there.
Sometimes, I want to go deeper & deeper, to where, there is no recover, no chance of living through this one. With it being my last time, as I start to drift away slowly, everything is just a blur now, as I say my last goodbye, I close my eyes & go to a better place.
Don't worry about me mom. Don't try & get the doctors to save me. It's too late, & there is nothing they can do. I'm sorry you had to see me like this, for this, is the best part of me. I let it out & showed more than I had ever intended. I didn't do this for pay back & I didn't do this to say I didn't care. Because, I do. Which is why I had to do this. All I wanted was to end up in the hospital, to see who truly cared & who was actually there. But, once I did it, I never felt better. So I did it a couple times more. Hold your head up, I know this isn't what you wanted...
