Thanks a lot Daddy.

I recall your hate filled eyes
I recall the million punches

I wonder why
I don't like angry people
why I am so afraid-
but now I remember.

I start to recall the hell
the torture
the pain.

memories I blocked out,
but today I am remembering

I saw the pain in her eyes when you hit her.
I saw the hate in your eyes
I watched it-
I cried.

I remember the way you yelled
how it made me tremble.
I remember when you hit me
it was something that i had wanted to forget
but is coming back in this moment
so readily.

chills streak through me
and I know
what I'm remembering
is
and will always be
abuse.

pain stricken childhood
is what I felt.

To know
and remember what you did to me
and everyone
sickens me
because you're still here.

The respect
I have for you is no more.

How could I have forgotten
about the bruises
about the screaming
about the fights

you scare me,
you're becoming him.
there is so much inside of me
that makes me think of
him in you
and I cannot contain it any longer
I have no idea what to do.

I cannot have another person
like my abusive sickening
father in my life -
not again, not ever.
I hope you understand
this can't happen anymore
it needs to be
done.

*&*&
quite long, and stupid.
really just needed to get some thoughts down.
-thanks.