I wasn't thinking

I wasn't thinking. I was't feeling.
My selfishness had me reeling
I wanted rest. I wanted relief.
Serenity in my own belief

I wasn't loving I wasn't caring.
Some would say overbearing
So concerned about my pleasure
I overlooked what I most treasure

I was so weak I wasn't strong
The path I chose was so wrong
Yet it seemed it was not my choosing
To be unkind and constantly abusing

Homicidal or maybe suicidal
It came down to escaping a bridle
Words can soothe, or provoke
Let holiness be my yoke

Are my thoughts and feelings the same?
Am I running, or am I lame
If you lead me to it then lead me through it
What works for me, I will pursue it