This has the potential to be a great poem. if you break it out of story format and into a poem format that is. for example ::

Shes a mess making mistakes
every second of her life; With the pounding and and fighting of words forcing
pushing against life to disappear.
The life that made the life
that created such a short love
to collapse into the arms
of its own kind but just falling
through makes it stay
what it is a collapsing short love
of worthless faith built into it.

ect... then you may have to change one or two words with in the sentences but it has potential.

<3 Terra