Why Can't I Take Back These Years?

This pen has pulled me through a lot,
but will it break this time?
when all the pain is from the words,
like knives stuck to the heart
I'm so far apart
from what I used to be
yet what words can I spin
to cure this disease
his words are the reason
these tears fall again
yet what am I but a friend
he once dried the tears,
calmed the doubts, and heard the fears.
yet why is he now so filled with hate
why does he just spit in my face
he throws words like darts
laced with hate
how much longer can I take this torture
before the walls are torn down
and I'm left open to the blows
and how long before
I'm reduced to shreds
reduced to tears

why can't I take back these years?