Anguished Heart

I love the ending line, "Someone fix the world." I never heard it before, but it's a great statement. Your father would be proud of you. ;-) I'm proud of you!

A mistake of a dad that he'll never forgive himself upon reading this.

Wow. I'm so sorry about ur dad hun. If u ever want 2 talk about it or anything else than I'm here ok. But about ur poem. I really liked it. I thought that it was very passionate and heartfelt. It was very deep. Personally I think that u should work on ur flow a little more but that didn't take away from ur story and the way that u wrote it. It was very good. 5/5

"This heart of mine endures
So much of worlds misery
Hence I must end this strife
As I utter my final adieu
Echoing truth persevered
True love does not exist"

This is a GREAT stanza, i loved it. So much power. and the flow was good.

"His love has left me
In a sanctified bondage
Causing a total eclipse
Of my abandoned heart
That can never be repair
By strangers hands"

The second and third line was VERY good, but the other lines were not as good. The last line could have been worded different, to make it sound better.

Over the years I prayed
I fought all odds for you
I have bluntly struggled
Ultimate desire forsaken
Innocence of your flea
A pleasure to perceive"

This stanza really shows the wanting of a child. It is worded very well. Loved it.

"Depleted from memories
Nothing but shadows
Bruised heart of mine
Left cold all alone
Left behind forgotten
Bleeding insanity"

I didnt really liked this stanza, i mean it is good, but compared to the other stanzas, this one is very simple, and not in a good way.

"Heard your name
My heart bleeds
Torment, tribulations
Founded on a kids despair
Fatherly image standstill
Someone fix the world"

The 3-6th line were good. The ending was powerful and strong. The emotions of more of a child shine out in this. Very good.

Overall this was a pretty good poem. There were some little problems here and there. Compared to the other poem i read, this one was WAY better. So i think this one deserves a 5/5

This was sad yet you could feel how you felt loved it jus like your other poems