Painful thoughts of yesterday

Everything around me in spiraling down, I'm falling to the floor and can't hear a sound.
I have so much to live for but my head just can't see, how much i need to be strong for others, not just me.
I'm losing myself, I can feel it inside, Maybe I should talk about it, but i couldn't if i tried.
I think of my old ways, and a sense of calm comes over me, that's a very scary path, that no one wants to see.
This internal battle, has a louder voice than my own, it tries to take a hold of me and make me feel at home.
To eat or not to eat, to purge or not purge, these questions do arise, when my old life gets the urge and tears drain from my eyes.
It's like the past is knocking, continuously at my door, all the pain from yesterday is bleeding from my core.
My life is so different now, I don't have the option to be, to be in place I was before, i have to try to be free.
Free from what? you may ask, and I'll tell you this, it's true, it's the grasping strength of my ED that is choking me blue.
How do I stop the screaming voice, how do I die it down, I guess I'll cover my ears today, to fade out the piercing sound.