Consumed part 1

Life with an eating disorder is a life of pain
yes, i Will eat. but just enough to get by. or just enough to show the world that i do eat
there are occasional binges
the guilt is horrid. i have to purge right away. if i do not, i feel like i must suffer
the next step is self harm to pay for what i have done
never will i be thin enough, pretty enough. never ever will i be enough
many can't understand this way of life.
when my life is in complete turmoil and i can't seem to get a grip, my mind tells me one thing.
if i can starve myself, then i am in control. issue's and chaos are weighing me down.
so long without eating properly with cloud your thought's. the most awful mood swings. the smallest of issues seems like the end of the world.
keeping to myself. no motivation to live anymore. so weak i must force myself to even wash my hair.
it actually took 3 days to put a piece of paper in an envelope. still haven't put a stamp on it
my dog is never hungry. all the food i bring in my room is for him.
now my arms are covered in scars and fresh cuts. i am angry and i lash out at everyone and everything
the truth is i am sad
my chest hurts and my breathing is slow
will this ever stop? honestly i think no
this disease has consumed my life, and this shell of a being who used to be me