The ending is fabulous. Great poem.

Aw this is such a sweet, yet sad poem all at the same time. I love your descriptions, they created great imagery, and your emotion was very heartfelt. I love the first two lines of the second stanza, then with the third one explaining the disgust;
'Emotionless eyes, stare at him with desire,
Filling with tears they look away in disgust,
Observing the whereabouts of all the other girls,'
I can completely relate to that at the moment. Both the desire and digust.. it's hard to imagine yet is so real to feel. Anyway, I'm getting carried away here.
I love how you put all of the ending lines into the final stanza, it was effective and I love the simplicity of it all equaling the 'you withouth me' at the end. Uniquely written piece that I really enjoyed. Well done. 5/5

Oh and thanks for your comment. :]

Tammie

I know this feeling! I can relate to this heaps. I loved it. The flow was great and the words chosen made it even more of a powerful poem.

xx
Taegan Emily

Wow...
This is truly powerful from the beginning to the end. You managed to express emotions on a great way in every stanza. I like your choice of words and effective descriptions that created truly vivid and unique imagery.
My favorite stanza is:

- Dark shadows in the midst of my beating heart,
Icecaps fill the depth where the warmth once was,
Hollow, it does beat like a pounding drum,
A jigsaw puzzle missing it's piece.-
^^
Interesting descriptions, truly breathtaking stanza.
Whole poem is intense and excellently written.
The flow is also great in each stanza.

Keep writing!
5/5 from me

I loved the imagery in the first line. It really captured my attention and made me want to read more. I could relate with everything you wrote here therefore it made it a joy to read. The last stanza was just beautiful and my fave. Perfect way to end a great poem. Well done *5/5*

I felt this poem was a bit forced, but at the end it was worth it
A jigsaw puzzle missing it's piece,
A field without it's sunshine flower,
The moon without the stars,
A child without it's blanket,
You without me.

thats my fav part.. the way u made an out look on other things in life is really neat

Very relatable poem. i really like it! it was powerful and deep. sweet piece too. the flow was amazing. and the poem as a whole was very attention grabbing from beginning to end. :]] and the descriptions were. .amazing. the poem's too great to pick just one favorite stanza! great write!! 5/5.

Loved the last stanza the most, i have always known this and i will always keep saying it, girl you have talent. so much of it it must hurt.

this was an exellent poem, well done. 5/5 david

Excellent and very moody piece of work, you must have been very proud of the outcome!

Awww...that was so sad.This poem is amazing. It caught my attention and part of myself because I have been in this situation before. The word choice was excellent. 5/5

<3Amber

GREAT POEM I LOVE THE LAST PART

Hmm...i can't believe i wasted 5 minutes of my time reading this lame poem :D

Excellent. Please don't stop writing.

I love the vocab its was great ,thr flo was on point great work again!=)

Unkissed lips, licked by a lonesome tongue

I loved the aliteration throughout the line. The use of 'L' gave words which rolled straight off my tongue. This was a really beauifully sad piece with a touch of sweetness portrayed. Your descriptions were really vivid and interesting I liked that alot about this poem. Also I liked how you took the ending lines to create the last stanza. That was different and unique. Overall a good read. Well done. ~Mel

"Unkissed lips, licked by a lonesome tongue,
Stuttering words, flutter into nothing"

that's a really good line.. i've never read a poem that everything is so detailed.. you can really make any reader imagine wat ur talking about.. =] nice poem

This was a very interesting write, I didn't know where you were going with the poem, but really I loved it after reading the last line.

'A jigsaw puzzle missing it's piece,
A field without it's sunshine flower,
The moon without the stars,
A child without it's blanket,
You without me. '

^Amazing.

5/5 --Elly.

I loved the final stanza. This one had a great flow and stong emotion as well. Another great job :-) 5/5

This poem was awesome, at first I was unsure what it was about exactly but I liked that approach because it gave lots of room for imagination right up until the end when its spelled out for you. I love the last verse. This line especially "The moon without the stars" just paints a lonely picture. Very well done. 5/5 here.

Very well written..its cute and sad at the same time