Ive turned into everything i thought i wouldn't ever be
i'm everything i hate in a person
my face has changed lately
i cant explain it in words that knowing smile i always seem to wear
now looks like a sneer of disgust at my reflected image
in minds eye ill never be beautiful.
because my soul is so tattered and unclean
through the eyes lens you only see what you want.
a teenage girl usually so bubbly...
a blonde porcolene skinned doll is how i make myself
because if i can't be beautiful i want to be invisible
the past is always there to burn me
so many regrets
so many things that should of stayed in my mouth
i wish i'd had more dignity
that i'd kept my pants on in more drunken ocasions.
there's always someone else to push me down.
i cried before the funeral even started.
yet i can lie straight to someone i loves face.
what does that make me?
a horrible person?
no it makes me a hypocrite
sometimes i think something is mentally wrong with me
that all those hazardous months of pill popping
and cutting
has started f**cking with my head.
it was 3 years ago now but i need to ask
did u hear me screaming your name in hospital?
and why am i now back in an exes bed
waking up and seeing there back...
its nostalgia... thats my drug
i cant let things go easily
everything people say about me makes me cringe
it used to be such nasty things
words spat at me behind my back
when i as a naive kid
depressed and rarely sober
then i started making myself up each day
scrutenising every imperfection
so now im weighed down with compliments
false simperings from boys
hot sexy cute
they string a chain of words around my neck
pulling tighter
getting heavier.
my whole identity is a fraud
you know your completely screwed...
when you start believing your own pathetic lies....
