K. O.

You're too fat, You're too ordinary, You're too nerdy, You're too ugly, You're too immature, You're too caring, You fall too hard, You already gave him what he wanted, You gave him too much control, You let him get to you, He only likes you because you're a sophomore, He doesn't really want to be with you, He only wants your body...

SHUT UP!

These damn voices in my head are getting to me now!
I can't take it any more!
Why did I fall so hard?
Now I'm going insane!

It started with just a hook-up,
Which became a friendship,
Which mutated into something more...

Most would call it "friends with benefits"

But I don't.
It seems like something more to me...
He makes me genuinely happy.

He cuddles with me.
He holds me the way no one ever has.
He makes me smile...
As if it were the first time I've ever smiled.
He makes me laugh the way i used to.
He makes me feel like a woman...
And yet like a little girl...
He makes me feel loved...
Wanted.

But he is not, nor ever will be,
Mine.

He knows how much I want him...
How much I need him...
How much I care...
But he will never know how much he means to me.

And that kills me.

It hurts...
To care so much
But mean so little.

It hurts...
More than he could imagine.
More than he could ever know.

And yet...
There's nothing I can do about that.
Nothing can change it.

So I'll continue on,
Existing pathetically on hope...
Listening to the little voices...
Believing those insecurities...
Accepting the harsh truth...
Loving without being loved in return...