Suicide note

I'll never regret,
the things i say.
they're pretty logical,
to this very day.

- like this well its not a stanza, but i like this little part the best. i've felt exactly like that, ive wanted to end it and i never regret anything that i said about it either because in your mind its logical at the start. but when you look back its not.

it will be the deepest,
i promise not to scream.
just don't ever forget,
I'll see you in your dreams!

- again that ones one of the strongest bits also, its something which most people think about when their contempatling suicide.that they will be with their loved ones in there dreams- possible to tell them they are sorry or they love them or somemit. but this is a strong poem keep it up.

sorry for the lenght btw.
i hope you don't really think like that. :[

xx

Hey so what is up you really dont mean this brittney do you its just a poem right... you never call me well just to let you know my mom and dad are getting divorced and im moving to spring lake park i prolly wont see you not that i do anyways... i miss you

Wow I loved it. Sad, eerie and hopeless. That's exactly how I felt throughout this poem. Which is good considering that's what you probably intended it to be. The rhyming was good but the flow was off in some places. Overall it was an excellent piece! 5/5

Another good poem from you. I was not very impressed with the ending partially because you put an exclamation point at the end. The exclamation point almost makes it sound like you're happy. But, if you're happy then why would you kill yourself? The beginning started off very strong, but as I progressed it lost its depth I felt. Otherwise, good poem 4/5

First I will take your age into consideration, for somebod your age I like how you took a deep dark topic and did try and make in into a note. Word to the wise, if you don't want people to say that it runs too long, actually I think you could have added much more in my opinion, then make it into a story format instead of a poem format. Write the words across the screen instead of going down and add a dear whomever and etc. What I did like, was some of the word choice you used, specifically jaded. Now I am going to offer you some advice I have been offering some people lately. It's up to you whether to take it. It will help with questions such as, Why did something drive this person to this point? Exactly what was it that pushed them to the edge? Do they have any other feelings such as scared, or a sickness in them that is making them second guess it?

IMagine poetry as though it was a song. Most songs, must tell a story, and doesn't poetry tell something among the words? First, with a song, as with a poem, you set the stage, take for example Kelly Clarkson's , "Because of you. She first explains how she feels with the lines, "Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk, because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt, because of you I FIND IT HARD TO TRUST NOT ONLY ME BUT EVERYONE AROUND ME, because of you I am afraid." Notice the part I put all in caps. This one line is later explained why she finds it hard to trust in the following lines, "I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me." She explains how having to be there for people too much too young has altered her way of trusting everyone.

Now take Evanescence and their song, "My Imortal." Singer Amy Lee starts her story in a way with, "If you would just leave, I wish that you would just leave, cuz YOUR PRESENCE STILL LINGERS HERE, and it won't leave me alone." Now exactly why does this unknown presence linger? Because she follows it up with, "When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears, I held your hand through all of these years, but you still have, all of me."

I hope you see what I am trying to say about finding a balance and making your poem feel full of everything to capture the reader's attention.