Taylor, you let alot of feeling out and that's good, but maybe you should be telling them just this same thing. IDK, I don't have the answers but it seems to me your hurting pretty bad. I wish I could help but we know that's not possible. I'm always here for you, if you need to yell or vent, do it on me...it's cool.......I'll send you my email address in a message....xoxo