If Only

If only I would have waited up,
Up till you got home to calm you down,
Instead I went to bed,
I didn't really care what was going on,
I thought it would blow over and we would go on,
Damn I was wrong,
I wish I could have seen the saddness in your eyes,
And pay more attention to you instead of me,
Maybe I'da seen what was wrong,
I wish you were still here,
And I fear,
That one day I'll die the same way,
Because our problems aren't far from each others,
And if you could stand it how can I,
I just wish I would have went down in the garage when you came home the night,
Maybe I could have helped you with your fight,
Instead you took your own life,
I know it was hard and I'm not mad at you,
I'm mad at myself for not helping you,
You are my mom and i should have known,
What was wrong when you took that long drive,
You went away all day and returned late at night,
You sent dad away and said you wouldn't come home if he stayed,
Only so he wouldn't stop you from doing it,
We had no clue that you really would go through with it,
I went to sleep thinking I would see you the next morning,
Dad came home and woke me up,
I ran in your room to see you,
Dad and I searched every where,
Until he went down to the garage,
It was at that moment my life changed forever,
I heard the scream of my father scared to death,
Yelling WHY WHY WHY and NO NO NO,
Your body laying there lifeless and cold,
Momma I'm sorry I couldn't help,
And its partly my fault that your gone,
If only I could have stayed up,
And listened for that garage door to open,
I could have ran to save you,
Mom I love you,
If only I could have stayed up,
If only.........
If only.........