The concept of this poem was very beautiful Darien, but you need to work on your capitalization, grammar, and punctuation. The single letter i should always be capitalized in a sentence ( I ). The first letter of each new sentence should also be capitalized, and without punctuation it is hard to follow the flow of the poem. The poem itself is beautiful. I could only imagine what was going through your mind when you wrote. I think that you have a lot of potential, and with a little help, you can go on to be the magnificent poet that I believe you can be. I look forward to working with you once this club is on its way. Check your messages every now in again for updates.

Letty

I agree with Letty that you should work on your capitalization and such. I think you have a good basic start to a poem, but it wouldn't hurt to colour it up a little bit with some different words. Throw some imagery in there too, if you're feeling up to it.

Good start, good effort, and good luck.

Excellent..... well done and very organized