"But it wont be long before their bitten by the reality bug"

'they're' - because you are trying to say they are.

I have to be honest, I was a little 'confused' reading this poem. The story seemed to jump all over the place. It was really hard to figure out what you meant in some parts of the story. An example;

"As the days pass confused notices abused skin"
^^
I wasn't sure if you were talking about "confused's" skin or "abused's".

Because if you did mean "abused" then you missed out the ('s) which would have that line make A LOT more sense.

I didn't like this one as much as "Lost Life".
Your creativity sort of took a flop on this poem, but I do commend you on your effort.
You definitely have a spark of uniqueness.
Keep it up. Don't be discouraged by my comment, I'm merely posting my honest opinion :)

Brilliant....sad but a really great poem

Really good poem! i like the way u split the thoughts into 2 person... u mustve been through alot of stress to write this... great work 5/5

Excellent write. The flow in my opinion was flawless as well as the structure of the poem. However, I felt that you could of used more puncuation which would have made the poem stronger when read.

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One lost and "confused"
The other hurt and "abused"
Both looking for love to satisfy their pain
Waiting for sunshine to overcome the rain
They pass one another each day
Looking not speaking, fear of not knowing what to say
But one day confused finds courage...

^^This stanza was a great way to start the poem of, it painted great imagery for the begining.

``````````

Days become weeks and a month ends
Confused and abused have become the best of friends
They spend each day talking with laughter
Forgetting about the world, their lives of disaster
Their hearts are now experiencing joy and love
But it wont be long before their bitten by the reality bug

^^I really liked this stanza, the last line really made me laugh for it is true in a lot of ways.

``````````

The home of abused is merely a home
Her father an alcoholic, her mother gone
Left to fend for herself with no other family to go to
Alone and afraid with no one to help her go through,
Trying to find something even if it's only a little clue...

^^A nice joining stanza, that keeps the flow going smoothly on to the next stanza.

``````````

As the days pass confused notices abused skin
Black and blue bruises not only out but within
Her smiles have become frowns and her laughter has ceased
Not knowing what to do, not wanting anyone to see
But confused shrugs it off as if she doesnt notice...

^^Talk about a deep and emotional piece, this stanza brings that foward. The imagery shown here is very good.

``````````

After days of no abused, confused pays a visit
Only to find a paper on the door saying one word: Evicted
Fear takes hold of her heart as she contemplates the situation
"Where did she go?" she cries out in desperation

^^I liked the rhythm and rhyme of this stanza. The flow was excellent and made a great ending to a greatly constructed piece of poetry.

``````````

Overall a great write, keep up the excellent work.

Peace, Joe

This is a meaniful poem, and very true. I know where your coming from because I myself used to be abused and its very hard...Great useage of words..Good Job :]

This types of poem isn't really my type. But it was a very good poem. I'm not used to reading 5 line per stanza but I guess it suits this piece. Anyway It hink it flowed well. I think to improve this you should work on the punctuations. Like in the end put (...) it adds impact in my opinion.

Anyway that was just a suggestion. Good job on this poem.

This was way pass good the choice of words were perfect....when can i see part 2?

Oh booboo! This was awesome! I love how you use the analogy of emotion to represent a person.!! This is just the first of your stuff I have read...gonna send you a message though.

Awwww how sad it made me cry i love the kind of perspective you put it in
it was differenti like how you ended it with her getting evicted rather than she killed herself it was diff. beautiful poem 5/5 cant wait to read the next part