The time has come. I havent writen anything in a while, Not sure if I can even come up with anything anymore. I have had a lot of lose in the past two years but that shouldnt stop me, It should inspire me. Writing has been apart of most of my life so to give up would be giving up all I knew. I just dont know what to say anymore. It's almost been ayear sense I have lost my lover to death. Its almost been a year and half sense I've seen my son. I did stupid things sense, I have moved back to a place I hate, a place where all my sadness started from in the biggining. My lifes going pretty good right now, Its just theres alot missing. Things are not the same in my heart and soul as they use to be. My soul is lost, My heart is in the ground with my lover. My body is here but wheres the rest of me, My mind comes and goes, I still can cry feel emotion, But its like I dont feel for the person I should feel for the most. This thing takes over and I cant help but just say things I really shouldnt say, Do things I know I really shouldnt do. I act the way I really shouldnt. I'm not who I use to be I changed, I just want to come back. I just want who I use to be to take over and tell me what to do. I never use to be afraid now all I am is afraid. I cant enjoy life, I cant look at anyone the same. Everyone looks like a ghost all in my head. I see pictures of my lover that died and thats the only thing that seems really to me. I look at my new lover and I see a great man, a man how loves and cares for me. I just dont see what I should be seeing. I dont see the man I want to be with forever. I dont see a man I can have kids with, I dont see aman that can love me for me. I see aman that wishes he can love me for me, How can you love someone when you dont know there soul, heart, body, and mind. Its not that you wont let them see it, its that theres nothing to see when you lost it all in the ground. I'm happy now I truely am, sadness will always be with me, its the other half of me. I can try my best to enjoy what I can as long as I only take all my emotions out of all of it. My life will remain solid no emotions when i dont need them, No heart, No soul theres just not reason for them.
