Interesting=) but good

Wow, I really liked that. Ur good.

Impressive...The lines "I Beg thee! Hear the savannahs that course in my heart,
do not depart...
This age old punishment we call life" Not sure why but they just caught my eye and persuaded me to finish reading the poem.Great work

I like your writing style. :)

Love Hurts...hahaha..i dunno it kinda sounded Sad to me..

You were tryin to cover the pains you have in you with a vast vocab... You have a very exceptional way of expressin your emotions may it be sad, anger, love?? ..etc..

Another brilliant piece from you..You are a poet indeed...hahaha..

Marvellos job, marvellous

Normally, poems that try to use language like "thee" and "thou" immediately turn me off, because they're so out of place. In this poem, however, I think you're use of it in the first line fits with the whole style. The pacing, vocabulary, and general tone of the poem evokes a feeling similar to when one reads a verse that's been translated from another language. The beauty is (hopefully) retained, but you notice shifts and gaps that might not have been in the original. This is probably irrelevant. I'm just saying that the "thee" fits fine.

I have to admit that I don't know what you used for the subject of this poem. To me, it sounds almost religious... calling a girl away from this picture of God: "his promise of endless happiness, without sin..." Not sure if I'm just interpreting away willy-nilly, but there you go.

I think my favorite section of this poem was

"Forsaking th sun-kissed skin, for a cloud
Protect her, it is not yet her time"

It is very evocative. I also liked your rolling, morphing use of rhyme. There's an internal rhyme and rhythm, but you don't feel a need to make it cemented, which I think complements the poem.

It could do with some proofreading, as there are a few typos that the reading catches upon, but besides that.... well done. I enjoy your writing style, Nori.

I liked it, some of it was kinda hard to follow though, and some of your mataphors were ineresting but I found them slightly lacking of a spark, or something interesting. good work

4/5