What It Seems

by BeautifulxMess   Jan 31, 2008


I'm broken into pieces that I will never get back.
As tender and sore as my heart was you let me cry.
I wish I left you before I was turned into nothing.
But now that you're not in my life my smile doesn't lie.
And it sucks how you didn't care at all what I felt.
My eyes cried a river that drowned all of my dreams.
It's amazing how I stayed for so long with the pain I dealt.
And everything I've been through, live is defiantly not what it seems.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Alexandra Jade Brewer

    Again, another beautiful write! There is so much emotion! My favorite line is definitely:
    My eyes cried a river that drowned all of my dreams.
    It was a great way to portray that! Perfect!

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Interesting piece. It is written with raw emotions, straight from the heart which is very effective. I don't read friendship/ family poems often but this one is really written in a good way.
    In this line:
    --As tender and sore as my heart was you let me cry.--
    I don't quite understand the construction "my heart was you let me cry" but I'm not sure what sounds wrong about that.
    My other suggestion is to change the word "Sucks" in the fifth line. Maybe it's just me, but it ruins the flow in that line a bit.
    All in all, you did truly great job.
    Keep up!

  • 16 years ago

    by Shinobi

    This poems structure emphesizes it's meaning in a wonderful way. The feelings here are true and raw. Rhyming is a bit off, and choosing of words could be better. Overall 5/5

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