I think i'm ok

I think I'm feeling happy,
but I am never sure,
one minute I'm up,
the next I hit the floor,

I start to sing and dance,
then break down and cry,
I feel so many mixed emotions,
but now I'm asking why,

Please? I do not understand,
why I feel so alone,
so many people around me,
but I'm standing on my own,

I try to be a good person,
hoping that I'll fit in,
but something pulls me back,
like a strength from deep within,

I hide myself away sometimes,
ashamed of who I've become,
a lonely, scared young woman,
because of what others have one,

So many years I've been bullied,
humiliated, laughed at and used,
Just because I was abandoned,
I keep all the people amused,

People do really love me I know,
but it doesn't feel like it now,
I want to believe there is hope,
but I'm still asking the question how?