Comments : Love is forever lasting

  • 16 years ago

    by Letty

    I love the concept of this poem, but it needs lots of work. The flow is choppy, it's hard to following because of the way it's worded, and you really need to work on your grammar and punctuation. First of all you didn't need to put the word "love" in the first sentence twice.

    Love what is the meaning of love

    You could have written the first line this way:

    What is the meaning of love?

    The second line should have also been written differently because it throws the poem off track because it seems like you jumping around in the poem; and you also shouldn't use letters for words and any single I should be capitalized.

    i can tell u love is showing

    I think it would have sounded better if it went this way:

    What is the meaning of love?
    Is something that I have always wondered.
    I know what a demonstration of it looks like,
    And I have felt it on a day to day basis.

    What is the meaning of love?
    I know that friends and family are a part of it,
    And it should not be taken for granted in life.
    It'll guide you through your troubled days and nights.

    I'm not saying that it should be written exactly that way, because you know what style you are going for in your poem. I just think it needs a little more depth, emotion, and imagery. I would consider this as my first draft. I would continue to work toward the final draft. I will be waiting to see the outcome. Don't get me wrong; I think you did a nice job. I just also think that it needs work. I hope I haven't upset you with my honesty, but that is why we all are here. Believe me when I say that I have been down this road and sometimes I still travel this road. So, just work on writing a little more each day and I'm sure that your poetry will improve.

    Letty