by Zetzue Feb 5, 2008
category :
Love, romance /
desired love
You broke my heart, |
Very nice :) keep writing |
Dude, I think it is an awsome poem. But from experience..... don't keep loving her if she won't return it... you will only hurt yourself further and feel that knife in your heart for a longer period of time. The last girl I tried to hold onto like that, now hate my guts because of it. Just a word of advice. |
by Letty
Great Job on being more serious! This poem was actually very good. It could use a little editing though. First thing you should do is use actual words instead of letters and numbers; the use of letters and numbers takes away from the sentimental value of the poem. The second thing you should do is capitalize any single I, these should always be capitalized. The third thing that needs to be done is the adding of punctuation. Punctuation is a plus when a reader is reading poetry; it helps them know where to pause or it tells the action of the sentence. The last thing I would do is try to tighten it up a bit because the flow is a little off. For example, try this: |