"Last night, I closed my brown eyes and clasped my trembling hands beneath my chin and realized that no matter what I do, I can never win at life."

"If one bad thing happens in your life, then so be it. If two bad things happen in your life, then suck it up. If three bad things happen ign your life, then you're out of luck because three strikes and your out!"

"Never, ever eat the yellow snow; It's not lemon or banana flavored!"

"I am the minority of fashion and popularity."

"When in a hostage situation, always ask for a purple penguin."

"I am a bleep lost on the radar screen. I am a loser because I am that bleep. But I shall always remain not only the loser bleep, but a proud loser bleep constantly being hunted down by other bleeps."

"Only three things will survive nuclear warfare:

1) Cockroaches
2)Twinkies
3)Oprah Winfrey

The cockroaches will eat the Twinkies, and Oprah will eat the cockroaches. Society will go on."