"Often the test of courage is not to die but to live."-Vittorio Alfieri

I'm American citizen, fool.

-Phillipe, told by Gabriel Iglesias

Mom: Ari, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Ariana: Alive.

A true man does not know what pride is unless he has won and lost throughout his life.

-Ari

"Women, men like to make you happy because when you're happy, YOU LET US TOUCH YOU."

-Adam Ferrera

I'd kill ya but I'd have to do all that hard work of shoving your lifeless body into a blender...

-Me

You know you're stupid when someone dumber than you somehow outsmarts you.

-Me

It feels like life is throwing lemons at me instead of handing them to me...

-Me

I love when on the first day of school I get to act all innocent and quiet...so when I start getting in trouble people find it hard to believe or they just pretend it hasn't happened.

-Me