***~dont hate me bcuz im beautiful, hate me bcuz i stole your boyfriend~***

"Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them"

"Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway"

"Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?"

"There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead"

"I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory"

"One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions"

"As you slide down the banister of life, may your @ $$ collect many splinters"

"WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON, BUST OUT THE TEQUILLA AND SALT"

"This morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it"