"Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?"

"Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway"

"Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them"

"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"

"Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle"

"guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early kill people"

"You kno wat it is about men, she'd say. They all share a single brain. And if one of them is using it, the rest of them are just plain stupid until its their turn."

"Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?"

"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking"

"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research"