"GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A BLONDE"

sorry to all the blondes out there, im blonde too

"The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept"

"Inside this body lies that of a skinny lady. But I can usually shut her up with chocolate"

"Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle"

"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"

"Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so bright! "

"A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)"

"I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died"

"This morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it"

"WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON, BUST OUT THE TEQUILLA AND SALT"