To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times
the speed of sound.

At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame
instantaneously.

Say this REALLY loud:

"I like Mike Hawk"

hahaha!!!

I'm a stripper, so.........what do YOU do for a living???

A real man wouldn't ask you if you wear a thong, he would go shopping for them with you.

hahaha :P -Just thought of it...

Did anyone hear about that one chick who set her cell phone on vibrate and used it as a d*ldo? Now that's just plain sad.

Ever get the feeling that the evil monkeys are staring at YOU???

Garth: si senorita
Kate: muy bein
Garth: gosh, you're that dumb?
Kate: um.......SALSA!!!

"Now that's some high-quality H2O!"
-Waterboy

Maybe I am, and maybe I AM!!!
-Willy Van Wiggers

Amish Electrician

*no offence to the Amish people*