When I held her still body and sobbed "it is over"
He said "It has only begun"
When I asked how? How can I help anyone when I am in this pit?"
he said "slowly... you will heal and comfort others."

When I begged on my knees "Heal her, make her well"

He said "All things work for the good of those who love me"

When I screamed "I cant live if you take him"

He answered "I am what sustains you..."

When I would ask "why did you make her have abnormalities? God would answer, "not abnormalities, uniqueness." When I would say "why are you doing this to us!" God would answer "Not doing, but allowing this."

I hope your angel ears can hear my whispers here on earth because I'm afraid that if I speak too loud, my heart will hear and break again.

I whisper your names to myself. Whisper happy birthday. I love you. I still think of you. Good night and till we meet again...

Sitting there, laughter invaded my thoughts.I sought the source like a dying woman seeking water.I shouldn't have looked- the sounds came from a young couple in the corner.Young lovers lost in each othes adoration, oblivious to everything around them.

"To dodging bullets- love me." Had he known even back then- even as he had withered and moaned under my touch, even when he had whispered sweet promises in my ear-that one day, the bullets I'd be dodging were his?

But I couldn't help myself. It was like driving by a car wreck. I knew I shouldn't but out of curiosity I looked. Oh, and how perfect things looked. We were so happy... in love. Where did things go so wrong?

I didnt want to see the pictures of us together, on the island paradise-laughing, smiling, kissing, fooling around. As if life was beautiful and sunny as the sky above us. I just had to see if it was true- that I had really once, been that happy.