Am I the only person who can put ten pairs of socks in the washing machine, only to return later and find there are just seven individual socks in it, none of which match?

For parents, there are few things more annoying than teenagers. And for teenagers there are few things more annoying than parents. So how come there are so many teen parents these days?

My wife said I was so fat that if the starving were cannibals I could feed half the world. I said we should donate BOTH our bodies and end world hunger in one go. And now she's not talking to me. Charming!

"Lighting farts and devouring porn are both brilliant things to do after all, as long as nobody gets set on fire in either situation!" - Emma B, 14/1/08

Nothing is ever so bad that there isn't someone you hate that claims to have it much worse. But somehow that grates when it should please us!

I like the phrase "citing precedent". You can bet that a fair few people on many a jury in the US have a good ol' look around the room for Dubya when they hear that.

They say charity begins at home. Which explains why there are less hermits than there used to be.

How come Western peace protesters never protest against wars between Third World nations?