Arguments with my wife tend to end with her feeling that she is ulitmately right. Which is odd because they end with me feeling that too: that she's right. That can't be right.

I wonder if there's a support group for failed support groups.

Can you REALLY make a stand at a sit-in protest? Who tells you when a sponsored silence is over?

They say charity begins at home. Which explains why there are less hermits than there used to be.

I like the phrase "citing precedent". You can bet that a fair few people on many a jury in the US have a good ol' look around the room for Dubya when they hear that.

Nothing is ever so bad that there isn't someone you hate that claims to have it much worse. But somehow that grates when it should please us!

"Lighting farts and devouring porn are both brilliant things to do after all, as long as nobody gets set on fire in either situation!" - Emma B, 14/1/08

My wife said I was so fat that if the starving were cannibals I could feed half the world. I said we should donate BOTH our bodies and end world hunger in one go. And now she's not talking to me. Charming!

Never be ashamed of the person you are. Other people will do that for you.

For parents, there are few things more annoying than teenagers. And for teenagers there are few things more annoying than parents. So how come there are so many teen parents these days?