"Haley's name means HAY-CLEARING!!"

Mmm…chocolate. It’s like a party in my mouth—and you’re not invited!

“This ain’t right…I’m telling you, Scruffy, something is wrong...My toenails are gone!”

*Again, Bill Engvall must be listened to…*

“I’m a dorkfish!”

*You need to listen to Bill Engvall to understand this*

Girls cheat more than boys, but that’s just because they can do it without getting caught!

Have you ever noticed that life is like a game of tennis? You keep serving the ball and scoring, but once in a while, you feel like you’re playing against a wall, and let’s face it…walls rock at tennis.

Good girls are bad girls who don’t get caught.

He whistled at me, when I told him I'd have to wear a skirt EVERY day…of course, his excuse was ‘Hey, ask any guy who is straight—he’ll say the same thing!’ I have to stay, I’m worried…

My right hand is dumb, but my left hand has an IQ of like 50,000…but, wait…that’s not right…I’m right-handed!

*this was just odd...i had to write it down so i would remember it!*

“I'd like a diet water, please.”