Why am i struggling so much to stay alive when i just want to die?

Im so sick of every choice i make no ones supporting me even when im trying my best

I got into a fight with my mom,then her boyfriend then left i felt relieved i will finally stop being hurt, im just scared he mite be coming back

I was taught alot of bad my whole life and now im lost good seems way to hard

I can no longer cry im slowly dieing theres not chance for me to say goodbye to him- forever daddys girl cant do it without him

Im not sure what love is, bu tall i know is i really love him isnt that enouf

I havnt talked about whats bothering me in days and now i cant its like im alone fighting the monsters in the dark

Does it make my mom proud seeing me crying seeing me bleeding like she had no part of my past why does she bother with me now

I would of never guessed i had to try to hard at living

Your words are slowly making me want to kill myself more and more each day