I'm just a girl who many don`t see right. They see me as this happy go lucky person, who love`s life, But that is just an illusion I have erected around myself, to fool those not looking close enough.

Those who are close to me, know what really bothers me.
They`re the reasons I haven`t given up and fallen into the deadly grasp of notions that are the sweetest temptation to my battered soul.

These are the people anyone would be lucky to have. They are the ones I hold close to my broken and bleeding heart.

They keep me staring into the sun when all I want to do is hide in the shadows of my depression...

Their the one`s that have me looking forward to a better future, when I have learned long ago that having expectations is the road to disappointment...

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I have fallen into a whole, and it`s begun to rain. The dirt has become mud and I can`t escape. With each attempt I just fall harder and harder, getting weaker with every try. My body hurts, and my heart is cold, and there`s still no end to the tear`s falling from the clouds...

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So much Pain, So much Hurt.
Undecipherable emotions, that can`t be controlled...
Once upon a time writing was my release.
A relief to the emotion`s attacking my mind, and the agony attacking my body.
But now my pen has dried up, and my paper has burned.
I'm at the mercy of those around me, and there emotions decide whether I live or die.

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My name is Paula, but many know me as Elaine on here.

I'm stuck in the past, incapable of igniting new flames...
And with each day, I die a little more...