When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic

I like hearing myself talk. It is one of my greatest pleasures. I often have long conversations all by myself, and I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die

He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.

When a young man complains that a young lady has no heart, it is a pretty certain sign that she has his.

The only mistake in loving someone is not telling them the extent of that love in that moment that it is born... Love will not stick around even for a second of untruth.

It is better to risk saving a guilty person than to condemn an innocent one.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you.