Sitting at the edge of the pond. He looks so happy. The little warty, grey toad. His big eyes staring at me. Then outta no where...

SMWACK!!

Stupid bird decided to eat him...

~~~~~~~~` True story

There are three types of people. Ones who can count and ones who can't.

From everything that we've been through, can't you tell that no matter what they say. You were loved and yet hated but never will you be alive once more.

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hated me. He told me I was being ridiculous. Everyone hadn't met me yet