I thought you were cool
until i looked in the mirror
and saw i was cooler

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.

"Remember: Take a man Kabooming? He kabooms for a day.
But you teach a man how to kaboom? Kaboom, kaboom, kaBOOM!" - Paul Scheer's character

Ron: That's right, you never did ask me for permission, did you? Well, I'm sorry to burst your ka-bubble, but I just had my ass ka-handed to me by the city manager, and now this entire department is ka-screwed.
What the ka-f*u*k were you thinking

Ron: Are you high?
Leslie: I'm high on Kaboom. "Don't ask for permission, ask for forgiveness."

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F

That 70's show
jackie: poor person, where's my drink??
fez: where's your drink?
wheres my drink?
you wanna know where your drink is..its up ur ass

2 guys arguing about something, ones white and ones black:
w.guy:no thats not the way i wanna do it
b.guy: the president is black, ILL tell YOU how we're gonna do it

Artists can color the sky red because they know it's blue. Those of us who aren't artists must color things they really are or people might think we're stupid.