Three years ago I was a member of this site, under the name of Crystal Tears or something to that effect (the account no longer exists before you try and find it!) and all of my poems were under the depression/dark sections. About suicide, and self harm, pain etc.
They were well written to say I was about 15 at the time, and were an insight into how I saw the world, how i felt. its the usual sob story, bullied, paranoid, trapped by circumstance, because that is what my life was, so I wrote about it.

All through that time I was a "Christian" I leaned on God on and off for support when i felt I needed it, but thats about it.

Luckily, one day I cant remember when or where or how exactly, but God turned the boat I was sailing down a waterfall of misery and self loathing a full 180 degrees and set me sailing down another river, and let me tell you, this route makes for the most amazing, incredible, awesome and undeniably beautiful journey. Its all that life was meant to be.

For years I'd had Jesus on my boat, in the cargo hold, in a closet, in a very fancy room that I only ever ventured into once a week... But when I opened the door to the Captains room, when I gave Him control of the helm and allowed Him to steer the ship of my life, thats when my life began, my life as is should have been: not a constant struggle, a miserable mesh of self pity, confusion, pain, and wishing i was someone else, singing songs at church about how God is my strength and my rock, and then walking out of the doors and continuing to reply completely on myself and other around me. This isn't what God wanted for me or any of His people.

No, life isn't easy. And giving God the helm didnt magically eradicate all the problems I faced. What I got was a new weapon to fight them with. What I got an everlasting, unconditional, incomprehensible love from a Father who had been waiting through all those years I struggled along with him in the back seat, waiting for me to let Him into my heart and life, so that he could help, comfort, love, and bring me the most absolute, incredible joy and excitement I have ever known.

And there isnt a day that I look back and regret making that decision to let Him in.

And just think, He's waiting for you to let Him in too :)