If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

SHUT UP!! STOP TALKING!! you're raping my ear you azzhole!!!

Ans. mch. lady- "To end your message...please press 11."
Church- " THERE IS NO EFFING 11 YOU EFFING w*ORE!!"