Usually there are "happily ever afters" but sorry, girls, this is reality.

Maybe I will go to Hell!

Ancient Greek soldiers remind me I have to buy something later.

Why do I need to brush my teeth? Are they not white enough?

Why do I need braces? Are my teeth not straight enough?

I'm not nervous about people bitting me. I'm just nervous about bitting them.

I'm like an uh-oh oreo, white on the outside but black on the inside.

I attract blind people. I could hide from them but they'd probably sniff me out.

Most guys aren't as reliable as the cars they fix.

I was falling forever. Then one day you caught me.