I thought I wrote a poem about it already,
but as I'm flipping through your pages...

I don’t remember much of last year
(except hospitals and hardships...

I still feel
the profound sadness...

What does it mean to be a tourist
in your own body, in a vessel...

I imagine you
waking me up for the grandest breakfast...

hesitate
you hesitate(d...

you left me to
fend for myself...

And maybe someday, when I gaze at the stars,
I won't spend the night wondering where you are...

If I crack,
If I falter for a second...

And I am loneliest after midnight,
after my mind exhausts the possibility...

[It wasn't me].
Splotches of color like a...

My head is fuzzy, bubble-wrapped for safety.
There are no substances in my bloodstream...