I'd hit that. What? Oh when I said I'd hit that I meant with my car!

If vegetarians don't eat animals...then they dont eat animal crackers? But how come they still eat eggs? arent eggs chickens too?wow im confused

Girls want alot of things from guys, but guys only want one thing from alot of girls

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my brother to swim.

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
— Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah I was kinda sad when I saw him with another girl, but then i laughed because she was ugly.

Life is a b*tc*. Because if it was a s l u t it would be easy.

Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

Haters are actually one of our lovers bcuz they think about us all the time

When life gives you lemons throw it back bcuz it could have given you money